Rebecca Zanetti Icon

First, I wanted to show off my new cover – isn’t it beautiful?  I love the colors, photos and font!  Second, I’ve been thinking about the 4th of July holiday weekend I’m hoping to spend at the lake, as well as the Writing with the Stars contest right here at BRAVA.  I thought I’d chime in with a bit of advice.

MAKE YOUR BEGINNING PARAGRAPH yank the editors out of their lives and into the story. Make them NEED to keep reading, just to see what happens. For example, we all know the story of Paul Revere. He rode through the streets to warn his countrymen the British army was making a move, thus allowing the Militia to repel the British troops in Concord. Rumor has it he didn’t really shout “The British are Coming,” but close enough.

Now if someone wanted to tell Paul’s story, there are a couple of ways to begin.  [Please keep in mind that history wasn't my strongest subject in school...and I added a few fictional details to make my point here.]  The first attempt:

Clouds gathered across the heavens, thunder rolling, lightning hinting at oncoming strikes. Paul sighed, his thighs clenching the rushing horse. He had a job to do, but would rather be home with Sarah. He’d met her several years ago and hoped to spend the rest of his life convincing her that the one time he danced with Susy Jane at the Smith’s barn raiser; it was because his mother insisted upon it. His mother. The woman who taught him that duty called, a lesson he learned when he stole an apple from the Jones’…

OKAY.  Hopefully at this point, Editor Megan Records is wondering what to have for lunch, and not whether or not she should stab her eye out with a fork. Please don’t send her an opening paragraph like the one above. I need her to have both eyes working to read my books.

What’s wrong with it? Well…while the first sentence is kind of pretty, it’s about the WEATHER. Not the best hook in the world. Then the paragraph erodes into BACKSTORY and INTROSPECTION. Is Paul’s strong urge to fulfill duty important to the story? Sure. But does it have to go in the first paragraph? HECK NO.

Another attempt:

Hoofbeats and painful death pounded behind him. They were getting closer. Paul tightened his thighs on the stallion running full-bore, ducking his head as branches ripped sharp bark across his face. Faster. He must go faster. If they caught him, his friends would die. His country would fall.  Moonlight glinted off a weapon through the trees, and he yanked on the reins.  The horse trilled in protest. A shout sounded from a roadblock ahead. They’d found him.

See? Lots of questions raised here. Who’s after him? Why is he running? What would happen now that they’d found him? (Which by the way, Paul Revere really was captured in Lincoln at a roadblock and detained until he escaped and ran through a cemetery…but that’s a story for another day).

I hope this helps a bit. And I hope everyone has a safe and fun holiday weekend. :)