There was a post recently on the Wicked Writers loop about regrets. The talk was around what we don’t do enough of, such as spending time with kids, exercising, etc. Some of us, however, talked about regrets for decisions we’ve made in our lives.
‘Tis a slippery slop to be sure, but it really got me thinking… most stories begin with the phrase “What if…”
So let’s play a little game here. Take one big decision in your life, one that put you on the path to where you are today. What if you chose differently. I’ll start!
One of my huge decisions was college. I applied to three colleges and was accepted at all of them. One offered me a full scholarship (Southern Methodist University), one a partial scholarship (New York University), and one $500 (Syracuse University).
Since I was born and raised in New York, I chose the middle ground, NYU. Now part of this decision was because it was close to home and close to my BF (now my DH). A train ride away in fact.
BUT, what if I’d chosen SMU… where would I be now? What would I be doing?
I think I’d be living in Texas, working as a copy editor or something similar, and still dreaming of writing books. I don’t think I would have married my BF therefore I would not have my two teenage sons. My life would be significantly different methinks.
Perhaps I would have met someone in my late twenties or early thirties, and be in the middle of the journey to raising kids, rather than at the tail end of school.
Interesting to think of what might have been, but I don’t regret my choice because I’m here now, and I am happy with what I have. I wouldn’t trade my life for that other one, but what if?
So, now it’s your turn…
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Beth / Emma
[...] blogging over at the Brava author’s site today, talking about regrets (started this discussion on the Wicked Writers loop) and what would [...]
My biggest thing lately isn’t regret so much as “I wish I had known then what I know now.” There have been a few really big game-changers in my life these past few years, and if I had known then what I know now (like which people were toxic and which ones weren’t, for example), maybe things would’ve turned out differently.
Or maybe not. There’s no way to know for sure.
One thing I do know is that there are things in my life now that I wouldn’t part with for anything, and if I could alter the course of history, I don’t think I would, because those things would be gone if I did.
Mind-bending.
Jinky ~ Oh yeah, I know the feeling well. I look back and think how smart I thought I was and realize I didn’t know my a** from a hole in the ground.
Quite mind-bending to consider who you would be without those decisions.
Part of me sometimes regrets moving out to the east coast for graduate school. My parents had moved out east a year before I was accepted; inside I know I only applied to graduate schools here because my parents were nearby. I left a man I was in love with out west…and think about him often.
But then when I think of it, about allowing myself to feel regret, I get angry. Being here allowed me to be with my father during the last painful year of his life. It’s allowing me to care for my mother. And I met my husband here.
So though I may feel regret, I don’t know if I’d change it. If I stayed out west, I’d eventually regret not coming east and suffer the same feelings.
For the most part, I try to avoid having these sessions to avoid making myself crazy, but it’s definitely pretty fascinating to think how much your life can hinge on a single decision. Sort of like that movie, Sliding Doors, I think?
Mostly I think that I’m a product today of all the choices I made before, and I want to look at the whole picture as much as I can
It’s interesting, isn’t it? That what if… thought that swirls round and round. I think it’s true – every choice we make brings us to where we are today. There are so many gifts we have, I cannot possibly regret my choices (even the hideously bad ones) because they brought me those gifts.
And that includes my incredible kids and my writing career. Yep, can’t regret a thing.
Beth,
When I made the college decision, I chose not to follow my BF at that time to U of Georgia. I went to U of Wisconsin instead. If I had followed him, I guess I’d would’ve stayed in Georgia to finish college, but moved on when I graduated. Our relationship would not have lasted.
Your post made me ask: Are there decisions I’ve made I wish I could change? The only one I could come up with was that I started writing sooner!
Abbi
Abbi – yep, me too! I was in my late thirties before I got published. Sometimes I see these young, fresh-faced novelists who are ready to conquer the world and I envy them. I wish I’d done the same 20 years ago!