Survivor China? More like Whiner China. Dang, where did they find this bunch? And I thought Amber was bad.

So, in the opening segment, we already don’t like Courtney Stefani. Could she, like, be any more, like, disrespectful? We get pretentious Jean Robert who really needs to keep a shirt on until at least week 2. Of course, we get the adorable cuteness of Todd, but it’s shortlived as we shift to the other tribe, where Wrestler Diva’s boobs and lip rings just sort of seem to be everywhere. Chick can build a shelter though, I’ll give her that. And then there is Sherea, who….um….I’ll just say that this show has been running now for HOW MANY SEASONS? Has she not seen ONE episode of any of them? Survivor is all about the disgusting and the nasty. I’m thinking she will not be a big part of this season. Just a guess. (And please, take Courtney with you. A show of hands for a double elimination the first night?)

Pandas!

Aaaaaand, back to the grind. It’s going to be a tough season of no food, a whole bunch of rain if opening night is any indication. We get Shelter Building 101, and poor Chicken (I know!) just can’t barely stand watching them young fools build such a shoddy lean to. He’s….colorful. He might try giving something useful for people to work with from his apparent fount of knowledge on the subject, instead of ‘just givin’ them his ‘pinion” all the dang time. Is there room on the boat next to Ms. Stefani please?

So….Sherea decides it’s time for, I don’t know, cheerleading practice? Dance Dance Revolution? I couldn’t quite get any of that. I actually agree with the rather sour faced Peih Gee who knows she’s stuck on the Bubblehead Squad but can do nothing about it. She’s like ninety pounds soaking wet, so building a shelter by herself? Probably not happening. And did I mention it rains? Like, a lot?

Back on the Worker Tribe we’re shelter building. Heck, I’m surprised they don’t have an entire village erected already. I mean, have you seen James? He just pushes a tree, and it goes down y’all. Paul Bunyan’s got nothing on James. Damn but he’s a big guy. More Gentle Ben though, which is nice in a grave digger. Oh, and Surfer Dude? He can keep his shirt off all 39 days and I’m perfectly fine with that. Fine, I say. Of course, they have Courtney on their team, so it’s a good thing James can do the work of several people, because I’m not thinking she’s going to, like, jump in, like, at any time and, like, you know, like, help.

And I wasn’t sure I was going to like Church Lady, but when she took Big James under her wing and tried to help him with the social game? Yeah, she scored some points there. And don’t worry James, you’re already loved. What a sweetie.

So, stranding them with the clothes on their back, then having torrential downpours the first night, followed by blistering heat? Yeah, you get a bunch of Survivors who immediately get nice and intimate all wearing their skivvies. That’s one way to get past the stranger barrier. Of course, it doesn’t keep us from having to look at their half naked, soaking wet selves. Okay, so Aaron and James in their boxer briefs aren’t such a bad deal, but otherwise i spend too much time looking through parted fingers. (Lunch Lady? Wow, Tim Gunn would so not approve of your look. And I’m not talking about the mullet. That I could live with.) Not such a great idea, Probst. Too much, way too soon.

Way.

Immunity Challenge Time – Damn, Big J is big and agile. His team wins the challenge, sending the Bobbleheads back to figure out who is going home. ::raising hand rather enthusiastically:: Oh! Oh, oh! Can I make a suggestion? But do they listen to me? Of course not. In the end, Chicken goes home. Not that he played the game right at all in the limited time he was there, but he was so sincerely disappointed to go, and his exit speech was a really sweet one…I felt bad for him. Especially when there are others in the game who could have gone sooner. (Yes, Sherea, I’m looking at you.)

Next week? More rain. More mud. No food. Good times.

I haven’t watched the Very Last Comic yet, but I hear through the grape vine there might be a nice surprise waiting for me when I do. Yay, viewers!

And on Top Chef, Sara takes her leave on some undercooked chicken, which leaves Hung, Casey, Dale, and Brian as the final four. I’m okay with that. Go Casey!

Now for this week’s winner of the advance reading copy of The Black Sheep & The Hidden Beauty. Everyone wave your sundae spoons at Blog Babe Thuy! Woo hoo!!! Congratulations – hope you enjoy it!

I hope everyone has a great weekend! See you Monday for a new SHaQ Attack contest.

(And don’t forget to head over to Novel Thoughts to see the winner of the book giveaway there – click on the link in Tuesday’s blog.)