October 3, 2006 • Print This Post
I graduated high school when I was 16—not because I’m all that smart, but because high school was a fairly miserable place for me. I wasn’t one of the cool kids for a lot of reasons. I will say it did give me the drive to work hard to graduate early, so it wasn’t all bad.
I vividly remember when one of the hot studs on campus got a little bit interested in me. I was so excited. And then his friends let him know that I wasn’t a cool girl, and I imagine not pretty enough too, and his interested fizzled.
That’s one of those things I don’t think about very often. If you’d asked me about it a month ago, I would have claimed I was over it, and had been for a long time.
So fast forward to now. The other day I’m watching a news conference and who do I see? It was the same guy who lost interest in me in high school because I wasn’t cool/pretty/whatever enough.
Only now he’s middle aged, and dude, middle age is not a good look for him.
Oh I know, that’s mean. And do I think middle age is a great look for me? Heck no. Nor did I ever think I was this shallow, but guess what? I really enjoyed the moment. I also got to thinking about romance novels. If I wrote that scene, my heroine would still be hot looking, and she’d be a successful reporter who recognized the middle aged man who had dropped her in high school. She would enjoy that moment!
Isn’t that what romances do? We identify with the slights our characters suffer because we’ve suffered them too? They makes us feel that we’re not alone, maybe not so ugly and undesirable after all. That’s a pretty powerful message to all women. Especially when later in the story, the ugly duckling in high school turns into a desirable woman who is valued for more than just her looks.
By the way, my story had a happy ending too. I’ve been married a long time to a man I love very much.
I won’t even ask if any of you have humiliating stories like mine (unless you want to share!), but do romances ever validate your feelings? Do you identify with the trials the heroines go through?
Posted by Jennifer Apodaca @ 5:00 am • Filed under: Jennifer Apodaca
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I can relate Jennifer. It’s sad that people let others influence their decisions, like they are puppets. I think that was one of the “curses” of being popular - having others dictate what your interests were. It’s sad really, because you couldn’t be yourself, and one wrong step could mean that you were one of the little people. I admire those who didn’t let social status rule their lives.
And I don’t think it’s mean to feel what you feel about that person. If he had any clue, I bet he’s regretting that choice now LOL.
I bet your dh wouldn’t have let someone else tell him differently - he would have asked you out anyway, because he saw what others didn’t see.
To answer your question - yes, I believe romances validate our feelings, and help us value ourselves. Much like you found your dh, someone you truly love, romances tell us that we are worthy of something better, that we shouldn’t settle to avoid being alone or because we think no one else will want us. Romances tell women it’s okay to hold out for quality, that we can be on our own and live a wonderful, fulfilling life, and that Mr. Right, if he shows up, is the icing on the cake. That’s why I love ‘em…oh that, and the hot guys, too. LOL.
Stacy, I love your comment that “Romances tell women it’s okay to hold out for quality.” And yeah I like the hot guys too
Hi Jen…GREAT story! I have one so close to it…only the guy who was Mr. Cool and Together in high school was spotted by me, at a grocery store, delivering beer. His hair was all at the back of his head and his broad, manly chest had slipped to his hang-over belly. Yep. And I’m just small enough to admit I really enjoyed the moment….
And that’s why romance novels validate our feelings. Because as writers, we’ve all felt those moments and writing about them is just part of who we are.
Yes, I believe that romances validate our feelings.
I belive that romances validate our feelings, but I also think that give us all something to strive for. I love my husband more than anything, but I would still like him to turn down the covers for me, or run a hot bath for me. I get romance in my normal life, it is usually just him clearing the table after dinner. Romances make you dream and that is all I can ask for when I sit down with one.
As far as being cool, or an outcast, I was neither. Nothing tramatic happened in high school, I went out with my friends and after your blog I can appreciate the wonderful expeirence that I had. I did have a few friends that did not relish the experience and they like you get a kick out of watching the down fall of the cool kids and I think that is perfectly normal.
Estella, thanks for you input!
Patty, Romances do feed the fantasy of a perfect male, don’t they? LOL! That guy in high school was, and probably still is, a pretty nice guy. It’s just one of those things I remember, because on some level, all of us have those kinds of social experiences. And in the end, I got the best deal with my husband!
I was never part of the cool crowd at school either, in fact I would rather just stay home and read or do something else than take in a lot of the social functions at school where I would have felt overlooked because I wasn’t “cool”. I love romance books, because you can get lost in the pages, associate with the heroine and I love the happy endings. I love a book that gives you the “sigh” ending because a lot of times real life is not that way. So I feel that they really do validate my feelings.
You couldn’t pay me enough money to go back to high school. What a miserable experience. I can only hope my daughter and my son have a better time than I did, but not TOO good of a time. . .
I love romance for the happily ever after. Some of my friends (who do not read romance) laugh cause some of it can be kinda corny, but I read for the fantasy of it. If I wanted real I’d read non-fiction.
Cryna, I was a reader in high school too! It got me through some tough times, and I still go back to romances when life gets a little rocky. Sometimes it’s just nice to know that things will work out in the end, as it does in a romance novel.
Ktzmom, I’m with you on returning to high school! My kids did fine in high school, and my youngest is a senior there. Yours will too! I love the fantasy of romance too
I was not one of the “cool” people…in fact I was one of those that were picked upon and my only escape was books, especially romance books since they all had happy endings and I felt apart of the story. So in answer to the question, yes, romance books validates our feelings.
i do belive it
Dru Ann, I’m glad romance books helped you get through those years.
Kim, thanks, I believe it too.
Jen, that is such a riot. That dude was on ‘ludes.
You are awesome and *way* cool. And I would know. I don’t know that I was cool, but my friends were…and are.
As for humiliating stories? Hmmm…I ate it off my bike in front of a crush once. That kinda sucked. Does that count?